So Russel Crowe and I had joined forces to stop an evil group of mobsters, headed by Ben Kingsley, who had taken over a hotel. We move through the building by sliding through vertical drainage ditches as though we were made of jello. Eventually we are captured by Ben Kingsley's son who is clad in army fatiuges and taken to the basment and made to stand infront of a giant aquarium. This is when I suddenly realize that Russel Crowe is a double agent and I can trust no one. Overwhelmed with hopelessness, I sneek away into an upstairs room to watch a salsa dancing compition. The salsa dancing is terrific. I am so moved by it, I get up and start salsa dancing around the hotel room and am suddenly clad in red high heels and tasseled red skirt.
Eventually, I change channels on the TV and am now watching a movie staring the Brady Bunch set in midevil europe. Only it is not funny or campy, it is a serious Shakespearan drama. Y'know, "Lady Jan," "Lord Greg". As the credits begin to roll for this movie I see a character called "Princess Brady" riding a white horse and wearing some super tight white corset, with long flowing blonde hair and tiara. I am suddenly sucked into the TV and become "Princess Brady" on the white horse. A man approches me who is my husband, he says, very non-chalantly:
"I know you are not pregnant with my baby and I am freeing you to leave with the true father."
"You mean Nicolas?" I say, also very casually.
"Yes. Your father and I have provided him with a large stipend that you two may use to take over a province."
"Great." I say.
Nicolas approches me. He is a normal looking older man with greying hair. He extends his hand, which I take, getting off my horse. Apparently we are to leave the castle right now.
We exit through the front gate and begin to loudly sing various tunes from The Wizard of Oz. We talk about what our new castle will look like.
Now get this:
With each step we take Nicolas becomes tinier and tinier and turns more and more into an itty bitty Dudley Moore. Eventually he is probably only a two feet tall and starts leaping far, far ahead of me in a crazy wobbly way with his leggs bowed out in the oppisite direction, like a tiny joyus gnome.
Eventually he is gone and I am running through a snowy forest, trying to find my sisters car, while being chased by a pack of SUVs. My mom speeds by in the oppisite direction, she is chucking tea cups out her window.
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