How My Fanatically Popular Ex Became a Powerpuff Girl
I was in Ithaca, New York, where my former boyfriend Chris goes to college. I was there out of curiosity, because I have no idea what he's been up to lately. For a while, I was able to spy on him without his knowing I was there. It was as though I was invisible. I seemed to be hovering just above a picnic table where Chris was eating lunch with a group of his friends. His college seemed a lot like a high school. There was a lunch period, and everyone sat outside with brown bag lunches. The people at Chris's table were discussing who they were going to take to the Prom.
Chris said that since so many girls wanted to date him, he was going to have to take two girls to the Prom with him as a representative sample. One was apparently his girlfriend, while another was a friend of his, Kristen, who was sitting next to him at the lunch table. When Chris made this announcement, everyone at the table started clapping, and Kristen blushed and started talking about what a great honor it was to be one of Chris's dates to the Prom.
I noticed where the lunch tables were. They were all situated by a grassy hillside that looked just like where my friends and I played during recess in the fifth grade.
After lunch, I was with Chris in his dorm room, and I had come out of my ghost-like state. I was asking him about all these new friends of his that had popped up in his life since he had broken up with me. He said there was a book about them, and that he could show it to me.
He pulled out what looked like a textbook. There was a chapter in the book about each of Chris's friends, and the chapters ended with vocabulary words and review questions. Chris's new girlfriend was in there as well. I don't remember her first name, but her last name was Gray. She was twelve. I was going to say something about legal issues involved in such a relationship, but I decided not to.
All of his friends were on drugs. Each of the "textbook" chapters mainly related to the different drugs all of his friends were taking.
Then I was invisible again, and I was viewing a past event in Chris's life. It involved him and the girlfriend that had come before the twelve year-old. This girlfriend's name was Anne Urich (I have no idea where that name came from. I know no one with that name, and I don't think Chris does either). Anne was narrating the "flashback" as though she was a character in a bad TV drama.
"Chris knew I was really attracted to the actress Selma Blair," Anne said. "He also knew I loved the Powerpuff Girls. So when I heard that Selma Blair was going to be providing the voice for one of the Powerpuff Girls in an upcoming movie, I had to tell Chris my fantasy: I wanted him to dress up as a Powerpuff Girl."
At this point, I was seeing Anne in a bedroom diffused with sepia-toned lighting. She was sitting on the bed when Chris came in, wearing a black pigtailed wig and a dress.
"When I saw Chris come in," Anne continued, "it didn't make me more attracted to Selma Blair or the Powerpuff Girls. I became more attracted to Chris himself. I thanked him for fulfilling my ultimate fantasy, and I couldn't wait to rip off his dress."
They were lying down on the bed at that point, and I didn't want to see anything that happened after that, so I somehow successfully convinced myself to wake up.